Photo Credit: Asatti Living
When it comes to limitations in a relationship, you know what’s right and what’s not! Have you really considered what you actually want from a relationship?
If so, then you need to understand what are the healthy and respectful bases and non negotiables in your relationship.
You should understand these two important concepts about your relationship so that you know what you really want and expect from your partner.
In this relationship guide, we’ll first explain what are the bases in a relationship and why it matters to understand them. Then, we’ll discuss the non-negotiables in a relationship.
So let’s explore these two concepts on a deeper level so that next time you know what your responsibilities are and what you should expect from your partner.
Table of Contents
What are the Bases in a Relationship?
You already heard what people say about bases in relationships but what does it actually mean? In reality, bases in a relationship are referred to the stages of intimacy often started with emotional closeness and progressing into various types of physical connections.
While this terminology might be outdated for you, however this approach is still valid and helpful for many partners to draw boundaries and understand what their comfort levels are.
You should keep in mind that the concept of bases in relation varies from person to person and culture to culture. However, you can generally consider the concept in this way;
| Base | What It Entails |
| First Base | Typically refers to emotional closeness or the first signs of physical affection, like kissing. |
| Second Base | Indicates heightened physical intimacy, such as touching or cuddling. |
| Third Base | Often signifies deeper physical intimacy, involving greater trust and consent. |
| Home Run | Implies the highest level of physical or sexual connection in a relationship. |
The point here isn’t to fit in these categories perfectly, but to have shared understanding with your partner about where you both are.
Why Should You Understand Bases in a Relationship?
We all know that intimacy is not just physical, but it is an emotional and even a spiritual feeling. When you understand the bases in your relationship, you can openly and honestly share information with your partner.
For example, talking about what you’re ready for or not ready helps build mutual respect and trust at every stage. You shouldn’t feel quick to go to the next base or feel guilty about not doing anything that doesn’t make you comfortable
By focusing on open communication, you both can see these areas of your relationship at a speed that feels safe and enjoyable
To achieve a better physical and emotional intimacy, you must understand bases in your relationship as this is a piece of a bigger picture as it will help you set your non-negotiables.
What Are the Non-Negotiables in a Relationship?
While bases are about stages of connection, non-negotiables are about your hard limits. Non negotiables are things you would never compromise on in a relationship. They are your deal breakers, your boundaries and values that tell what you are and what you need from a partner.
Non negotiables are not about being rigid and closed minded in a relationship. These aren’t about whether your boyfriend is right or wrong. These boundaries make sure that your emotional and physical well being are protected and that your values are in line with his values.
Why Non-Negotiables Matter in Any Relationship?
Think of building a house. The house is the relationship while the non-negotiables are the foundation. If you don’t have a solid foundation, the house will fall apart eventually.
Non negotiables provide clarity and make sure your relationship matches up with your priorities, your boundaries and your long term goals.
For instance, if honesty is a non negotiable for you and your boyfriend is always hiding things or keeps telling a lie, then he will never be a fit for you even if he is compatible with you in many other ways.
Once you know what your non-negotiables are in your relationship, you will never settle for less than you deserve.
3 Steps Of Identifying Your Non-Negotiables
So you want to know what are your non-negotiables in your relationship? Well, you should start with self awareness as it is the key when figuring out your hard lines.
Here’s how to get started.
Step 1: Reflect on Your Values
Your values are what make you who you are. Think about what you really care about. Do you prefer honesty more than anything else? Is it necessary to have a balanced work life dynamic? Your non-negotiables are built upon your relationship values.
Step 2: Consider Your Past Relationships
We all have relationships in the past where we learned what doesn’t work for us. Go back to those experiences and ask yourself, “what crossed boundaries, or left you feeling unfulfilled”. These are signs of what your deal breakers could be.
For example, if you didn’t previously get enough respect for your career ambitions, then “supporting each other’s dreams” might become a non negotiable for you moving forward.
Step 3: Consider Your Goals
Another way to figure out your non-negotiables is to look at your long term goals. Do you want children? Does shared faith or religious practice matter? You deserve a partner whose life goals are compatible with yours and if there are any major gaps of this variety they can become deal breakers.
Let’s Share Some Tips for Communicating Your Non-Negotiables
Photo Credit: Regain
So you’ve learned and understood what are your non-negotiables, it is the time to communicate them to your partner in such a way that he neither considers them rigid or harsh. Here are some tips to convey your non negotiables to your partner;
- Be Honest Early On
When it comes to non-negotiables, it’s way easier to deal with them at the start of a relationship than to deal with them later. Be upfront about what you want and what you can’t live without.
For example, you can start something like “It’s really important to me that we’re both being honest about how we’re feeling, “I value a lot of transparency in a relationship.”
- Use “I” Statements
When you’re communicating your non negotiables, avoid placing blame or giving ultimatums. Using “I” statements keeps the conversation constructive and keeps it on your personal needs.
For example, instead of saying ‘You can’t lie to me’ try something like ‘I feel most secure in a relationship when there’s honesty and open communication between us’.
- Be Open to Discussion
Non negotiables should never be compromised but it’s still okay to approach these conversations with an open mind to hear your partner’s perspective. It shouldn’t be confrontational to share your limits.
Final Thoughts
Every relationship is built on some basis. These bases in a relationship are the steps to move you and your partner through stages of intimacy. Non-negotiables in a relationship are the lines that keep your heart safe and keep you true to yourself.
You deserve a relationship where you feel safe and where you feel rewarded. Defining your non negotiables and understanding the power of bases lends you the tools to build something meaningful.
You have the right to set boundaries, and standing by them takes courage, and courage creates fulfilling connections.
***End***