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Have you ever felt that you’re forced to do something under the fear of emotional fallout? Perhaps you’ve got fear that someone very close to your heart will stop loving you or ignore you if you didn’t do what he wanted?
Well, this influence to do or obey an undesired order or instructions is called emotional blackmailing in a relationship. A study conducted in 2022 showed that emotional blackmailing is a type of psychological violence that can hurt more than physical violence. It is such a powerful form of manipulation that it can hurt your self esteem and damage your relationship.
So how do you know that you’re emotionally blackmailed in a relationship and what measures should you take to deal with this situation?
In this article, we will explain about what emotional blackmail is, its common causes and some effective tips to deal with emotional blackmailing in a relationship.
So learn these tips to manage this situation better next time.
What Is Emotional Blackmail?
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Emotional blackmail is a type of manipulation in which one person attempts to control another with fear, obligation and guilt (FOG). Emotional blackmail is all about using emotions to get what you want.
The blackmailer takes advantage of his or her victim’s need for approval, fear of being rejected, or deep guilt. This manipulation isn’t always overt, it can be subtle and insidious and difficult to recognize at first.
The emotional blackmailer may threaten, directly or indirectly, to punish the victim if he/she fails to fulfil the emotional blackmailer’s demands. They may also use guilt trips, i.e. the blackmailer will make the victim feel responsible for his or her bad feelings or bad luck.
Emotional blackmailing in a relationship creates an imbalance in a relationship which is unhealthy and leaves the victim trapped, confused and emotionally drained. The first thing you need to get rid of emotional blackmail grip is to understand clearly that you’re being emotionally blackmailed in your relationship.
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How to Identify Emotional Blackmail? Some Signs Here…
You may not even know that you’re being emotionally blackmailed because it’s disguised as concern or love. But here are key indications this is the manipulative tactic you are experiencing. Consider these common patterns and red flags:
- Direct or Implied Threats: The blackmailer can use explicit or veiled threats to force you to do as they want. For example, he might say, ‘If you don’t do this for me, I’ll never speak to you again,’ or suggest self harm if you leave. They may also warn you to stop loving you or stop providing resources.
- Guilt Trips: Blaming you for their unhappiness or past events is another tactic of emotional blackmailing in a relationship. They might tell you, “All I’ve done for you, and you’re going to do this to me”. It’s like being told all the time that you’re falling short of everyone’s expectations or “You always disappoint me.”
- The Silent Treatment: This is a punishment by way of an emotional withdrawal. The blackmailer may cut off communication with you and behave coldly to you, or make you feel isolated and anxious by withdrawing affection, communication or both.
- Constant Criticism and Belittling: This is intended to chip away at your self esteem and make you rely so much on their approval. They may always put you down about the things you do, look like or who you are, making you feel like a failure or worthless.
- Playing the Victim: The emotional blackmailer in a relationship may exaggerate his own suffering to get your sympathy, and then try to manipulate you into doing what he/she wants. He/she may always blame you for their problems and make you feel like you have to help them.
When you experience these behaviors over and over to force you to do what they want, they’re obvious signs that this is emotional blackmail, and you shouldn’t ignore it. It is important to be aware of these patterns so that you are able to know what to do when you are being blackmailed.
How Emotional Blackmail Works?
The pattern of emotional blackmail is predictable. The blackmailer knows the buttons to push to get the victim to respond. Most blackmailers manipulate the victim by combining fear, obligation and guilt (FOG). This manipulation often manifests in the following ways:
- Fear: They may threaten to take away their love, their support or even do harm. It could be explicit threats or subtle hints that other things might happen if this person doesn’t ‘cooperate.’
- Obligation: The victim feels indebted because of past favors or sacrifices created by them. Subtle reminders or outright accusations of ingratitude will do this.
- Guilt: The victim is forced to feel guilty about the blackmailer’s bad feelings or bad luck. This can be something like blaming the victim for being unhappy, or blaming them for being selfish for putting themselves before others.
The FOG dynamic makes the powerful powerless and the blackmailer has the emotional power cards. The psychological process is to connect with the victim’s desire for approval, fear of rejection and deep seated sense of responsibility.
The blackmailer then manipulates these emotions, and so controls the victim’s behavior. In fear of the consequences of not complying with the blackmailer’s demands, the victim often gives in to his or her demands, thus continuing the manipulative cycle.
However, this process can be subtle and insidious, so the victim does not realise they are being manipulated until the pattern is deep rooted. In order to know how to get rid of blackmail from your life, you need to understand how this tactic works.
What are the Causes of Emotional Blackmailing in a Relationship?
To know how to deal with emotional blackmailing, it’s important to know the root causes and reasons. Once you identify these underlying factors, you’ll be able to not only address the behavior, but go at it with a greater degree of empathy and understanding.
Even if it doesn’t excuse the manipulative behavior, knowing what causes it can be an important step in ending the cycle. Several factors can contribute to someone using emotional blackmail:
- Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem: People with low self esteem will tend to manipulate others to control them and validate their worth.
- Fear of Abandonment: A person can use emotional blackmail to keep loved ones close due to a deep seated fear of being alone.
- Learned Behavior: If some people don’t know better, it’s because they have learned manipulative tactics from their family or past relationships, which only perpetuates unhealthy patterns.
- Need for Control: Individuals with a strong need for control will use emotional blackmail to keep power in relationships.
By being aware of these potential causes you can better understand the situation and create positive ways to deal with emotional blackmail.
6 Effective Strategies on How to Get Rid of Blackmailers
So you’ve understood what emotional blackmailing in a relationship is, how to identify and the causes behind it. Now we’ll share some effective strategies on how to get rid of blackmailers so you can protect your self esteem and feel better.
Here are six strategies to help you navigate these difficult situations:
- Recognize the Pattern
The first thing you need to do is identify what manipulative tactics are being used on you. Note any recurring patterns of threats, guilt trips and other forms of emotional coercion. Once you see the pattern you can start to emotionally detach and not react impulsively.
- Set Clear Boundaries
Set clear boundaries about the behavior you do and don’t have to accept. Assertively and consistently communicate these boundaries. For example, you might express, ‘I completely get it, but I won’t answer threats or guilt trips.’.
- Don’t Engage in the Power Struggle
When you get drawn into arguments or justifications, avoid it. The emotional blackmailer feeds on conflict, and feels responsible for your emotions. Simply drop out of the power struggle and state your position in a calm way, refusing to be drawn further into debate.
- Practice Detachment
It means to remove yourself emotionally from the manipulation of the blackmailer. Remember that you’re not responsible for their emotions or reactions. This is hard to do but it is key to breaking the cycle of manipulation.
- Seek Support
Tell a trusted friend, family member, therapist, etc. what you’re going through. When you have a support system, you have a valuable perspective that helps you stand up to emotional blackmail. Professional help can also teach you strategies on what to do if you are blackmailed.
- Consider the Relationship
Assess the health of an entire relationship. If the emotional blackmail is a pattern and a pervasive one, you may need to rethink the relationship, and if it’s good for you. At other times this might mean cutting off or restricting contact with the blackmailer.
Conclusion
To have healthy relationships and protect your emotional well being, it’s important to understand what is emotional blackmailing in a relationship. By recognizing the manipulative tactics, setting clear boundaries, and practicing detachment, you can easily break free of the cycle of fear, obligation and guilt.
You do not own other people’s emotions and you have the right to say your needs and boundaries. While finding some trusted friends, family, or a therapist to talk through difficult circumstances can be incredibly helpful.
Ultimately to overcome emotional blackmail and create strong, enriching relationships, you won’t get anywhere if you can’t find a way to prioritize your own well being and foster healthy communication.
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